Monday, December 1, 2014

Happy birthday eve, tiny family


Exactly four years ago, I was undergoing a complete transformation of self, one that would be completed when my son was born twenty hours later.

But really completed? No, not at all. It was a beginning. One that I fell into, part rock, part water, part sweet and soft fruit. Beren was placed in my arms and there he was. I stumbled and crawled at times, but my starts are usually awkward and rocky anyway. But really when is the start?

I've found I can turn a new beginning into something fraught. Jared is pleased and excited. I'm wide-eyed and feel the touch of a frantic hand on my shoulder.

I have had a little mirror and little reflector by my side for four years now. I can see me translated by a little person who is his own person, but is part me. I hear my voice, I see my actions. Sometimes I'm pleased and sometimes I'm startled.

I hope that one day Beren will see that I tried to understand myself for this tiny family's well-being and here, I've told some of our family's story.

I may be shy at the start but once I put down roots into the new, whatever it is, I'm there. Happy birthday eve, tiny family.

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